The Cannonball

By Jason Hughes

The cannonball; attempted by many, perfected by few.

Many would argue that the cannonball is not the most elegant of diving performances, but that's the point. The beauty of the cannonball is in its simplicity. Speaking of simple, the origin of the cannonball actually dates back to prehistoric times. According to legend, the first cannonballer performed the first cannonball shortly after discovering how to start fire. Coincidence, I think not. Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs reveal that cannonballs were actually outlawed and deemed punishable by death because of water shortage. And finally, the pinnacle of cannonball history was in the 15th and 16th centuries during heated naval battles where the cannonball received its official name. Now that we understand the history we can ask the real question: What is a perfect cannonball?

Cannonballs should be measured by three distinct criteria. First, one must measure the height and breadth of the water explosion. Next, a high decibel level at impact must be achieved, as research shows that the more senses affected by the cannonball the better. And finally, the third and most obvious criterion for a successful cannonball is the number of people splashed. Some other signs of a most excellent cannonball include: screams by victims, laughs by spectators, and when the rebound waves are still splashing over the side of the pool minutes later. Remember, one may always obtain bonus points by "achieving surprise" on a helpless napping floater. In conclusion, the art of the perfect cannonball is enjoyed most when appreciated with others and transformed into a family event. Please enjoy your pool, and thanks for your business. Jason